So, I went to a dietician because help is good and so is health insurance.
The first great thing she did was not weigh me. She was all, "I need you to stop seeing your worth in a number." I was like, "but how are you going to know if it's working?" And she was all, "um, I have eyes." So, I was like, "let's make out."
And then (AND THEN) she was all, "I know literally everyone has told you to stop eating carbs, but I am a professional and I have done research and I am telling you that you need to eat carbs. In fact, you should have pasta."
And then I dry humped her.
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