Why happy things?

A little while ago I was going through a particularly bad patch with my depression. Neither my depression, nor the bad patches that come with it, are a new thing to me. I've picked up some tips and tricks (and prescriptions) to help over the 25 or so years I've been living with it.

But this particular bad patch? Not a lot was helping.

Then, one day I noticed a Facebook friend was doing this 100 days of happiness meme - posting just one thing a day that made her happy. And I had an rare moment of clarity in my depression fog and thought, "why the hell not? I'll give it a go." So I did it.  For 100 days in a row.  And here's what I learned.

Finding a way to focus on happiness every day is suprisingly effective.  Note, I didn't say finding a way to force yourself into happiness.  Or glossing over all of the sad in order to fake happiness.  No, it's just one thing.  One moment.  One item.  One idea.  That forces you to let go, however briefly, of the crippling sadness to acknowledge just that one happy thing.

I found it became a habit, focussing on my one happy thing a day.  I began to look forward to it.  There were days when I was spoilt for choice and I got to revel in a selection of happy things to focus on.  There were other days when it was all I could do to breathe in and out and keep passing the open windows, and on those dark days... That just one happy thing?  Was a fucking liferaft.  After awhile I started seeing those easier days as an opportunity to stockpile happy.  I took pictures of everything that made me happy.  And I hoarded them.  Tucked them away and cherished them like a warm gummy bear in a fat kid's pocket.

On my worst days, I would go back through the happy things. As a way of trying to shake myself out of it.  "See that girl?  She's you, goddammit, so snap out of it, it's not that bloody hard."


The other thing it did was connect me back to the outside world.  I am a cocooner.  I hole myself away and lick my wounds and try to shut it all out (which unfortunately means shutting everyone out).  But putting my happy things into the internet brought the world back to me. People liked what made me happy - it created shared experiences of delight, started conversations with people I have been unintentionally avoiding, reminded me that there is a collection of people out there in the world who are there for me.

Now, did it cure my depression? No. That's what Zooloft is for.  And therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, yoga, meditation and art. But it helped. And any little bit of help is sometimes what makes all the difference.

So here we go again. Every day. One happy thing. Just one happy thing.